Hell Night: A Culinary Adventure That Will Make You Cry Like a Baby

[This article originally appeared on Boston24.com, a local news site which no longer exists.]

At 9pm, I downed a preemptive shot of Pepto-Bismol.  At 9:30pm, I arrived at East Coast Grill in Inman Square with five adventurous friends.  We were there for Hell Night, a celebration of spiciness that occurs a few times a year.  Reservations fill up nearly two months in advance; Massachusetts is apparently full of masochists.

It was the first Hell Night experience for everyone in my group, and we entered the restaurant with a mix of sheer excitement and a bit of trepidation.  Decked out in caution tape, skulls and crossbones, and other threatening decorations, East Coast Grill was full of adrenaline, sweat, and the near-toxic smoke of chili peppers sizzling in the open kitchen.  As we waited for our table, a siren went off: one diner couldn't handle the heat and ordered "the antidote" - a glass of milk and a creamsicle.  The sound of the siren triggered the kitchen staff to gleefully chant "Wimp! Wimp! Wimp!" as the diner swallowed his pride in an attempt to salvage his digestive system.

Hell Night is not for the faint of heart (or stomach).  Sure, you can order from the aptly named Wimp Menu, but if that's your plan, there's really no reason to take up a table when so many chili addicts are dying to attend.  The Hell Night menu does feature some relatively mild (and delicious) entrees - look for the choices rated at two or three bombs.  But the star of the menu, the challenge that we just couldn't resist, is the Pasta from Hell, rated at nine bombs, made with the infamous Bhut Naga Jolokia, the "ghost chili."  It's the hottest pepper in the world.  The menu advises you not to order this nightmare-on-a-plate.  The host of the evening, Dr. Pepper, advises you not to order it, and then gives you a frightening consent form to sign.  He also waves a wand with flashing neon lights over your head.  We weren't sure why.

The task of signing the consent form regrettably fell to me, even though 5/6 of our table planned on trying the pasta.  I almost lost my nerve when I reached the last paragraph:

"...Imagine an angry Goliath Birdeater crawling down your throat, the irritating sting of its barbed urticating hairs penetrating the membranes of your tongue and esophagus.  The large hairy spider reaches your stomach and sinks its fangs into your intestines...Hours later it tears out the other end, alive."

Stupidity prevailed and we ordered the pasta.  Five of us vowed to try at least five bites.  Roxanne, the wise one, opted out with the excuse that she would like her colon to remain intact.  Fair enough.

Some other dishes arrived first, like the Russian Roulette Deviled Eggs, each one flavored differently - anywhere from two to eight bombs.  Roxanne ended up with a seven- or eight-bomber, spicy karmic revenge for not trying the Pasta from Hell.  The five-bomb peel 'n' eat New Orleans-style BBQ shrimp was delicious, although one must be careful to remember to wash hands thoroughly before using the bathroom if one has been handling spicy foods.

The pasta arrived completely saturated in orange and yellow sauces, topped with a huge pile of what appeared to be finely chopped ghost chili.  It sat on the table mocking us as we tentatively smelled it and decided to wait for our cornbread to arrive.  A scowling busboy came to our table several times while the pasta was untouched, and he glared in disapproval, thinking that we were too wimpy to even try a bite.  Finally, Joel decided he couldn't wait anymore, and Chaz and I followed suit.  "Please don't die," begged Roxanne.  Geoff and Michael wisely decided to enjoy some more food before destroying their taste buds.

Imagine being pepper-sprayed in the mouth for about ten minutes straight.  Everything that touches your lips tastes spicy; you can't find relief in bread, and don't even think about trying water - it'll just make it worse.  Finally, the pain dies down...until you realize that it is traveling through your digestive system, and you can still feel it every step of the way.  It comes in waves: a few minutes of near-comfort followed by torture.  Sweat dripping, tears pouring.  And even when you feel halfway decent, you realize that tonight or tomorrow, there will be hell to pay.

Joel, who used to work at a Thai restaurant, somehow downed eight bites and even dipped the bread in the sauce a couple times.  (He paid for it later.)  Chaz and I stopped at five.  "You keep not eating it, and it gets hotter!" exclaimed Chaz, several minutes after his last bite.  Michael and Geoff were done after one.  After Geoff's first - and last - bite, all he could utter was a pitiful "no."  A biology teacher, he had been informing us of some interesting capsaicin facts before our food arrived.  For example, if ghost chili were in liquid form, it'd have a pH level of one.  Other acids with a pH of one include hydrochloric acid and sulfuric acid.  In a more dilute form, sulfuric acid is found in batteries.

Cornbread was a welcome relief, especially once we realized that just eating the accompanying butter helped a lot, and we didn't have to order milk and get berated by the waitstaff.  With the few taste buds we had left, we enjoyed the rest of the food, such as the seven-bomb harissa-smoked lamb shoulder with merguez sausage, which tasted very mild after the pasta.  We also tried the Wings of Ass Destruction.  I will leave it to you, adventurous readers, to try these next time and see if they live up to their name.

As the night drew to a close, we headed home in a sort of capsaicin high.  I felt great; pepto-bismol before and after the meal was probably what saved me.  At least one member of my group, though, suffered some devastating gastrointestinal aftermath that night and the following day.  So, a few pieces of advice for you daredevils that would like to attend a future Hell Night and eat the Pasta from Hell:

1)  Coat your digestive tract before and after.  Pepto-bismol, ice cream, milk, Rollaids.
2)  Don't overeat.  Take it slow.
3)  If there's a chance you touched the pasta sauce, wash your hands many times - and with dish detergent, not just soap - before taking out contact lenses or handling any sensitive body parts that you value.
4)  Don't make any important plans for the following day.
5)  Hell Night is probably not a good idea for a first date. 

6)  Eat more ghost chili!  In some parts of the world, it is used as a cure for stomach troubles.

See also: Cinco de Mayo Dinner at East Coast Grill

Panettone: Fruitcake Too Good to Re-Gift

An article I wrote for "North End Scene Magazine" - Holiday 2009:

Panettone: Fruitcake Too Good to Re-Gift

EventBite: Meat Meet

This will be brief since I'm saving the details for part of a larger piece I need to write, but this Saturday, I bought meat from the back of a van in a random Central Square parking lot.  Sounds pretty sketchy, doesn't it?

JJ Gonson (Cuisine En Locale) teams up with Stillman's at the Turkey Farm to bring wonderful local meat to hungry local carnivores a couple times a month throughout the winter.  (Stillman's also has a meat CSA program, but Meat Meets are a bit more random, last minute, and non-membership-requiring.)

Ah, the wonders of Twitter.  I'm grudgingly accepting that it has some good qualities.  I wouldn't have known about the Meat Meet had JJ not tweeted about it earlier that day, and I happened to be a very quick T ride away from the random parking lot, so I figured I'd go for an adventure.

I arrived at the parking lot a few minutes early and spotted the Stillman's van, but I didn't see anyone taking meat from it, so I stood awkwardly in the parking lot until some other people showed up.  Then, out came the coolers of meat - lamb chops, ribs, pork butt, chicken, even pigs' legs.  While the other customers seemed to be stocking up for many meals, I figured I'd just try something small since I was new to this strange buying experience.  I got four lamb chops for $13.  (I've actually never bought lamb before - how does this price compare to lamb chops at the supermarket?  Feel free to leave a comment!)

I quickly headed back to my dining companion's apartment in nearby Porter Square, and we let the lamb defrost while we prepared a rosemary garlic paste for the chops (recommended by JJ.)  Ok, that "we" in the previous sentence is a lie.  He did all the work while I studied for an exam.  Anyway, the end result was delicious - see the slideshow below for some photos.  (To see captions, expand the slideshow to full size by clicking on the button with the four diagonal arrows (bottom right hand corner of the slideshow) and then click "Show Info" in the upper right corner.)

Check out JJ's blog for more info on Meat Meets.

MiniBite: A Pumpkin-y Post

...just in time for Halloween!  Or, early for Thanksgiving!

Pumpkins, pumpkins.  I've tried to acquire a taste for them, but I'm just not there yet.  Once, I did have a pretty good pumpkin soup - served in a pumpkin! - on a Rochester dinner cruise along the lovely Genesee River.  (I'm using the term "lovely" loosely here.  When I rowed on the crew team at the University of Rochester, rumor had it that if you dipped any limbs in the water, they'd come out infected or mutated.  A giant mutant fish did jump in the boat once, right behind my seat, flopping against my back.  I had to stop rowing to toss it overboard.)

Anyway, back to pumpkins.  I wanted to give them another chance this year, so I gladly accepted an offer of a sample* of Pumpkin Pie Fudge from Phillips Candy House, "Boston's Oldest Chocolatier."  Phillips also sent me some chocolate-dipped jack-o'-lantern-shaped Peeps. YES! I'm a big fan of Peeps in moderation, but if you eat too many in a row, they start tasting pretty gross.  I had never tried chocolate-dipped Peeps, so this was an exciting sample to receive!

First, the fudge:

Look, it's in the shape of a pie slice!  Cute :)  And I liked it!  Made of pumpkin puree, it actually tasted like real pumpkin, and it was very nicely spiced.  The chocolate crumb crust balances out the pumpkin nicely.  Pumpkin alone probably would have been too much for my taste, but I'm still on the fence about pumpkin flavor in general.  I'm sure all you pumpkin lovers out there will really enjoy this fudge.

Next, the Peeps!

I shared these with my bandmates before a rehearsal a few nights ago.  "Peeps suck, but these don't suck so bad," said Andy.  So there you have it!  The chocolate is an improvement over regular Peeps.  It was a very mild milk chocolate, so it seemed to tone down the obnoxious sugary Peep flavor that so many people dislike.

According to the Phillips Candy House website, they "continue to make artisan chocolates and other confections by hand and in small batches, using only the finest and freshest ingredients," which is pretty awesome, so I'm happy to report that I really enjoyed these samples.  If you buy anything from Phillips, I'd encourage you to consider a Yoouukk! Bar as part of your order.  Phillips is donating 100% of the net proceeds from this chocolate bar to Kevin Youkilis' "Hits for Kids" charitable organization, which supports charities and organizations focused on kids' health and well-being.

In other pumpkin-y news, I just picked up some bottles of Dogfish Head Punkin Ale, "a full-bodied brown ale with smooth hints of pumpkin and brown sugar," to bring to a Halloween party.  I've never had it, so I'll update this post once I've actually tasted it, but I'm a big fan of several other Dogfish Head beers (60 Minute IPA, 90 Minute IPA, and Raison d'Etre) so I have high hopes for this one.

Some other local pumpkin finds (Except for the last one, I have not tasted these; I've just heard about them or found them online):

-Cinna Punk vegan cupcake at Kickass Cupcakes (Davis Square, Somerville) - "sassy pumpkin spice cupcake with cinnamon frosting"

-Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino at all Starbucks locations (Sorry, I know Starbucks hardly counts as local.) - "a delicious blend of pumpkin and traditional fall spice flavors combined with the finest coffees, blended with ice and topped with whipped crème and pumpkin spice spices."

-Pumpkin and pumpkin pie cupcakes at Sweet (Harvard Square and Back Bay) - Pumpkin: "Sweet's fall classic, fresh moist pumpkin cake topped with traditional cream cheese frosting and topped with a cinnamon sugared pumpkin seed" and pumpkin pie: "Graham cracker crust, rich pumpkin cake and a dollop of homemade whipped cream topping sprinkled with nutmeg complete the Sweet cupcake version of this favorite autumn pie."

-Kaddo at The Helmand near Kendall Square - "Pan-fried then baked baby pumpkin seasoned with sugar and served on yogurt garlic sauce, topped with ground beef sauce."  I've had great food at The Helmand before, but I've never tried this dish.

-Pharsi Ko Tarkari at Mt. Everest Kitchen in Allston - I went to this restaurant with a bunch of friends back in January, and it had just re-opened under new management, so our server kept bringing us delicious free stuff to try in addition to our meals, including a wonderful pumpkin dish that sort of looked like baby food but tasted really good.  "Pumpkin sauteed in veg. oil, ginger, garlic, spices & coriander."

Happy Halloween!


*I accepted a free sample from Phillips: a slice of fudge and some Peeps.  On occasion, I do receive free stuff, and I will always disclose when I'm writing about something I received for free.  I am in no way obligated to write about free stuff I receive, and if I do write about it, I'm not obligated to write a positive review.  This review, along with everything else in my blog, is my completely honest opinion.

EventBite: Fair Trade...and Sea Urchin Cappuccinos?

Ed. note: This post originally appeared on Boston24.com, which no longer exists. There was a delicious slideshow to go along with it! I'll migrate the slideshow here soon.

I bet you've never had a sea urchin cappuccino before...unless you attended Green Mountain Coffee's Eat, Drink & Be Fair event this past Wednesday at the Artists for Humanity Epicenter. The event was a celebration of Fair Trade Month, and organizers aimed to raise awareness of the importance of buying Fair Trade products. (Fun fact: October is also Vegetarian Awareness Month and National Dental Hygiene Month, so it seems like a good month to be conscious of what you're putting in your mouth.)

The event centered around a cook-off among four top Boston chefs: Richard Garcia of Tastings Wine Bar & Bistro in Foxborough, Will Gilson of Garden at the Cellar in Cambridge and The Herb Lyceum at Gilson's in Groton, Peter McCarthy of EVOO in Somerville and Za in Arlington, and Jay Silva of Bambara in Cambridge.  This wasn't just any cook-off, though.  All chefs made extensive use of Fair Trade ingredients, especially coffee.

Several of Green Mountain Coffee's Fair Trade partners were in attendance, including Arcadio Daniel Galindo, the president of the Association Chajulense Val Vaq Quyol, a Fair Trade co-op in remote Chajul, Guatemala.  Galindo spoke of the importance of all members of the "chain" of Fair Trade coffee - the producers, the roasters, and the consumers.  After a few quick speeches, though, the focus was on the food.  The four chefs and their sous chefs served up tiny plate after tiny plate of their signature dishes, and a catering company was on hand to serve several other hors d'oeuvres and dishes featuring Fair Trade ingredients.  Cocktails included Moroccan Tea Mojitos and Apple Cider Martinis, and Long Trail Brewery beer was also featured.

The winning dish, as judged by a panel that included Lindsey Bolger, Head Coffee Buyer for Green Mountain, belonged to Chef Peter McCarthy: Green Mountain Fair Trade Dark Roast Coffee Marinated Hudson Valley Moullard Duck Breast with Verrill Farm's Parsnip Puree, Pete's Pickled Pumpkin, Royal Gala Apple and Espresso-Vanilla Chimichurri.  (By the way, it was delicious, although it didn't quite match the uniqueness of Chef Richard Garcia's sea urchin cappuccino, which was served with lobster beignets.)  Green Mountain donated $1000 to the charity of Chef McCarthy's choice, The Food Project, a Massachusetts organization whose stated mission is "to grow a thoughtful and productive community of youth and adults from diverse backgrounds who work together to build a sustainable food system."

The location, the airy and beautiful Artists for Humanity Epicenter, was well chosen.  In October 2005, the Epicenter was the first Boston building to receive LEED Platinum certification from the United States Green Building Council in recognition of its designers' commitment to sustainability and environmental responsibility.  Although Fair Trade and green buildings seem to go hand in hand, recycling was oddly absent at the event.  We asked a member of the catering staff where we should leave our beer bottles and were told that they would just be thrown out.

The chefs really managed to show that food can be more than delicious and beautiful: it can have a conscience, too.  Though Fair Trade Month is nearly over, the idea is worth keeping in mind year round.  And with Boston on track to become an official Fair Trade City in the near future, it will become easier than ever to find restaurants around Boston serving Fair Trade food.(And if you’re looking for a place to try those sea urchin cappuccinos, look no further.  Chef Garcia’s recipe is available online [PDF].)